Daniel Guy's Blog

by Daniel Guy “Good morning madam I’m selling suicide notepaper Yes, I tell you All your trouble and strife is over None of that caper with pills or razor-blades Life – take it from me I know the ropes You see, I make people stationary Here’s a sample of my work Inside this envelope Is a very nice card with : GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD Embossed in gold across the front And inside, well Let me read it out: ‘Show me mercy when you hear About my suicide But had the world been good to me I may have never died Red roses please, upon my grave And violets of blue Forget-me not, for I kill myself Forever loving you’ Beneath this ode is a dotted line On which you sign, and when that’s done You slip the card inside this deadly envelope Deadly, for the gum upon the flap Is laced with strychnine One lick and fate is sealed Once licked, you the correspondence corpse Need only find a mantelpiece. Are you interested at all?”

by Daniel Guy  Chloe, Helen and Kate. Three bright, blond, happy girls go out to the countryside on a hot summers day for a picnic.   Kate has prepared all the food, and carrying it all in a large picnic basket strapped to her back, she leads the other two through a wood and then out onto a beautiful meadow. ‘This is a perfect spot!’ says Helen. ‘What a beautiful view – you can see for miles!’ A bright pastel coloured rug is laid out over thick, flower speckled grass and the picnic box is opened.   The handmade sandwiches and cakes, each individually wrapped inside thick, clear plastic food bags are brought out and laid carefully on top of the bags.   The girls lie down, slip off their cute canvass plimsolls and lift their summer dresses so their legs will catch the sun.   As they eat and drink wine, they chat about life at college, about boys and love and jealousy. Chloe has just returned from abroad so there is news to share, gossip to catch up on. Chloe

By Daniel Guy So Gary was a bit of a wayward lad when he was young. He got in with a crowd who were into the fetish scene and it opened up a vast world for him to explore. He was a lustful youth with an active imagination. Some say that’s a dangerous combination but when you’re young you don’t give much of a damn.   Gary couldn’t wait to taste and to gorge himself on whatever was available. By the age of twenty-five Gary had tried most things and has still kept his lean youthful looks, his sparkling dark eyes, his charm and his gorgeous grin. Then one night he met some guy online who wanted to be mummified in cling film. Why not, he thought and the next thing he was in the guy’s front door. He was led into a front room filled with toys. There was hardly any space to play. The guy told him the wife was out at a club and the kids were asleep upstairs. A chair was jammed against the other door to stop them coming in. It made Gary a little nervous but after a spli