Death From a Salesman

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by Daniel Guy

“Good morning madam
I’m selling suicide notepaper
Yes, I tell you
All your trouble and strife is over
None of that caper with pills or razor-blades
Life – take it from me
I know the ropes

You see, I make people stationary
Here’s a sample of my work
Inside this envelope
Is a very nice card
with : GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD
Embossed in gold across the front
And inside, well
Let me read it out:

‘Show me mercy when you hear
About my suicide
But had the world been good to me
I may have never died

Red roses please, upon my grave
And violets of blue
Forget-me not, for I kill myself
Forever loving you’

Beneath this ode is a dotted line
On which you sign, and when that’s done
You slip the card inside this deadly envelope
Deadly, for the gum upon the flap
Is laced with strychnine

One lick and fate is sealed
Once licked, you the correspondence corpse
Need only find a mantelpiece.

Are you interested at all?”

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